Ok, honestly, I was going to call the blog by this name then decided that I wanted to talk about more than the sweet 'mini summer vacations' that I have been taking lately.
This, however, is the story that made me think, "Well, maybe someone out there would be interested in my weird little life."
End of Summer 2010, in Maine. We are having a heat wave exactly one week to the day that we took out the air conditioner. Mind you these are the hottest days I think we have had all summer!
Very hot tired momma comes home from work to greet her loving children. They have the place spotless and dinner on the table. They offer to rub her feet and throw in another load of laundry... Oh sorry, I must have nodded off, 'cause this is totally the stuff of dreams!!!
No I came home hot and tired, to hot, tired children in a hot, messy house. Then...duh,duh,duhhhh... IT started. That fabulous 'mini tropical vacation' that causes me to do those 'S' words, sweat and swear! I am not a potty mouth in general but the hormones speak on their own! I felt like I was being cooked from the inside out!
After the usually crankiness that comes with this kind of day the momma sends the kids to bed. While relaxing on the computer, she has 2 drinks going. One is a large water and the other, a cup of cubed watermelon topped with Tastefully Simple's Watermelon Margarita Slush. <--Yummy!
She sets the computer down and -Whoosh! There goes the water, all over the carpet. "Damn it!" she says. Momma gets up and cleans it up. Then, just after the hiney hits the chair and the computer is being lifted - Splat! The watermelon slush tips off the other side of the coffee table and directly on top of her clean, just folded clothes. "G** DAMN IT" (I told you- the hormones speak on their own.)
As the mad woman proceeds to slam things around in the act of cleaning, and having a terrible, loud, hissy fit, her unsuspecting teenage son walks up the stairs. He asks, "What is going on up here?" "Don't. Speak. To. Me," she snarls at him. Poor innocent child. No one has taught him yet to not make eye contact with a crazy woman in mid-rant. He should have taken notes from his father who was quietly sitting in his chair not making any sound, any sudden moves or any eye contact.
She calms down.
Then, the crying begins. The momma is so mad at herself for totally losing it - again. She decides to treat herself like the kids and have a closed water bottle in the living room. She takes a sip and screws the cap back on. Or not. A few minutes later, she moves her foot right into a puddle of water. The cap, like her head, was NOT screwed on right. "Are you FREAKING kidding me?!" Then she laughs and cries at the same time, completely confusing her poor husband. Good thing he loves her so much and has invested 11 years into the marriage!
The End. But not really. Because when she later headed to bed, after stepping on a loud paper bag, in the dark, in her doorway, she trips on a laundry basket and does a Dick Vandyke style fall half onto her bed. Now she's pissed, dripping in sweat and unable to sleep. Hello Nick at Night.
The End.
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